Caffeinated Crunchy Christian Moms

Read: Job 7-8

If you’ve been reading along in the book of Job, you know that Job has gone through immense suffering. Satan has brought deep pain into his life, and Job is struggling with his circumstances, his life, and his faith. He knows that the Lord gives and the Lord can take away, yet he still cries out in confusion and grief. In these chapters, we see Job lamenting openly, wrestling out loud with his anguish and questions.

“The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” -Job 1:21

Job is not alone during this time. His friends are with him, listening as he mourns and tries to make sense of what has happened. They listen and speak and their presence matters. Job’s lament is emotional and honest; it seems that Scripture does not condemn him for it.

This made me reflect on how often I call my mom and my best friend or talk to my husband. I call with good news and bad news. I ask for prayer. I share milestones and funny moments of my kids. Sometimes I just need to vent. I try to be careful not to speak poorly about others or gossip, though that is still a work in progress. I also try not to be judgmental of others.

After reading these verses I looked into the scriptural viewpoints of lamenting, gossiping, venting, complaining, etcetera. I’ve come to believe that there is an important distinction between them. To lament is to express grief, disappointment, or sorrow. Lamenting over sin, grieving brokenness, struggling with hardship, and expressing dissatisfaction with sin, both in ourselves and in the world, are all biblically appropriate. Gossip, slander, and complaining simply to feel superior, better than, or justified are not. My justifiability definitely needs work. I have also found myself watching a lot of those Reddit discussion videos where they share a situation and ask if they are in the wrong. The real questions should be geared towards the Bible and conviction from the Holy Spirit. Again, this is still something that I am working on and it is a good reminder.

We are called to hate sin, to call it out first in ourselves, and then lovingly in our brothers and sisters in Christ. Scripture tells us to speak up for what is right and to walk alongside one another with humility.

“Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.” -Proverbs 31:9

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn” -Romans 12:15

There are many moments in Scripture that affirm Job’s mourning as justified. God does not rebuke Job for grieving. In fact, Scripture consistently shows that mourning is seen and honored by God.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” -Matthew 5:4

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” -1 Peter 3:8

This is where discernment matters. Compassion and sympathy are biblical. Walking with others in their pain is biblical. But there is a difference between biblical compassion and the kind of empathy that excuses sin or affirms what God calls wrong. We are called to love deeply while still holding fast to truth.

Sympathy is “a feeling of sincere concern for someone who is experiencing something difficult or painful.” (reference)

Empathy is an active “sharing in the person’s emotional experience.” (reference)

Charlie Kirk once said:

“I can’t stand the word empathy, actually. I think empathy is a made-up, new age term that — it does a lot of damage.” -Charlie Kirk

Charlie Kirk: "I think empathy is a made up New Age term that does a lot of damage" pic.twitter.com/KxyrCGvxW2

— Jason S. Campbell (@JasonSCampbell) October 12, 2022

Read more: Charlie Kirk: Don’t Have Empathy, Have Compassion – The Daily Declaration

At first glance, that statement can sound cold. But when we filter it through Scripture, an important distinction emerges. The Bible does not call us to affirm every emotion, desire, or behavior simply because someone is hurting. There is a modern version of empathy that prioritizes feelings over truth and can unintentionally excuse sin rather than confront it. Biblical compassion looks different.

The Bible calls us to sympathy, tenderness, humility, and love, paired with truth. We are commanded to mourn with others, but not to abandon our morals. We can comfort those that are hurting without enabling. We can listen without affirming what God calls sin. This balance is difficult, but important to try our best at.

In these chapters, Job’s friends are listening and being somewhat comforting in his pain. The company that we keep matters. As mothers, this truth hits especially close to home. It is okay to have a say in your children’s friendships and relationships. My own mother did an excellent job of this and had strong discernment.

Motherhood requires wisdom, boundaries, compassion, and truth, all at once. We model for our children how to grieve biblically, how to speak wisely, how to love others well, and how to stay anchored in faith when life is painful.

God is not offended by honesty. God also calls us to walk humbly, speak carefully, and surround ourselves, and our children, with people who point us back to Him.

Discussion Questions

1. How can we model biblical compassion for our children without teaching them to excuse sin or avoid accountability?
2. How can we create space in our homes (or lives, if you’re children are grown and fled the nest) for our children to express hard emotions without fear or shame?
3. How can we be mindful of what our children hear when we are venting, grieving, or frustrated?

A Note from the Author